Looking back at this place, I did some of my cringiest writing here, there was a lot more, and now that I'm finally in a place where I am happy with my writing, with my creativity...looking back, I just miss everything. Maybe it's nostalgia, or I'm just...romanticizing it, but it really felt like I lost a lot of good friends when I drifted away from this place.
I'd like to think that if I went back, I'd hold onto this place tighter if I knew how much I'd miss it, now. Tried harder, and made less excuses. Tried to be more original, I honestly felt like a lot of my OCs were just...uninspired, boring. I doubt anyone is gonna be reading this, least of all those I wished would read it the most.
I don't think I brought a hundred percent of myself here, and it's taken a lot of time for me to realize how grave my mistakes were. I let myself get lead along by people who weren't worth my time, and threw away friendships that were worth more to me because I was overwhelmed by a sense of...belonging, and it turned out the person who'd led me had held a deep despisal of me. And it all just got dumped on me all at once, and it cut so deeply.
For what it's worth, and this is really less about the writing, more about something else, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I chose wrong, and I'm sorry my mistakes caused you to hurt. I can never take back what I said and that will always haunt me, because I said it at a time where I lost sight of who I was. In that place, I was forcing myself to be someone that another person wanted me to be, not the person you remembered. I don't have any right to be forgiven, I'm not asking you to, but I am still apologizing all the same, because you deserve that much.
