Sweet Air [Mature]

Kano's eyebrows furrowed, his smile faded. It didn't make any sense. How was it possible that something like the Withdrawal could be beaten so easily. He turned his gaze skyward, his eyes training on a small crack in the stone ceiling. A glorious night, to be sure. There was no two ways about it. However, what could possibly have checked the Withdrawal? Surely making love with someone wasn't the trick to overcoming a massive chi imbalance...

"How...?" he suddenly realized he'd been muttering this under his breath over and over again, almost inaudibly. When he did, he felt the question realize itself into a complete though. "How is this possible?"

Kano's mind worked furiously, trying to make sense of it all. It just didn't make sense. Suddenly, he sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He hunched over and planted his elbows on his knees, bringing his hands together and resting his chin on his thumbs. He felt the cool air all over his body. It was soothing, but it did nothing to calm his confusion.

This was all just too strange to overlook, to take for what it was and not ask questions. It didn't make sense at all. It just didn't. Chi was subject to a science of understanding. His family had known it's most intimate details for generations. There was no way he simply overlooked something like this in his research. There was no way his father had forgotten to mention that a simple connection with another person could resolve the Deep Withdrawal. Though he didn't often lend thought to the subject, his parents weren't exactly in a loveless relationship. He'd seen his father use the Soul Strikes before and the Withdrawal had sometimes been with him for weeks. If all it took so resolve it was a night with his wife, why did it linger with him? Surely his mother would have done whatever she had to for her husband...

There was nothing for it. As much as he found the notion that some fairy tale love cure had solved this to be adorable in a quaint sort of way, he couldn't believe it. He needed answers. As he sat there, staring at himself in the mirror, looking into his own confused, sapphire blue eyes, he found himself seriously considering the option to stand up now and immediately make for his family's great library in the Northern Water Tribe. He had remained because of Gen's determined plea that he stay. However, this was no longer about some opportunistic bounty hunters...

Kano looked over his shoulder at Xi. She had fallen back asleep. He just sat there, looking at her form through uncertain eyes. He watched as her chest filled with air and emptied once more over and over again, considering the position he was in carefully. On the one hand, he had found a love in her, one he did not want to abandon. On the contrary, he wanted with all his being to remain there with her. Yet, he had questions. Questions she could not answer. Yet, he doubted anyone in the north could answer them either. The library of the Aowaka Clan was great indeed, but if there was wisdom on this issue to be found there, he would have found it by now. It all just... didn't make sense. He felt like he had to go. Where? He knew not.

"How can I even be considering this?" he asked himself, his voice not even half a whisper. Granted, this was the first time he had ever experienced true love or any of the physical involvement therein. His life up until that night had been one of rigorous study and exploration of the world. He had completely forgone the pursuit of love. Now that he was in love, it only served to confuse him further.

Slowly, as if some force within him resisted the commands his mind was urging his body onward with, he rose from the bed. He moved to it's end and stooped, picking up the piled length of plain white fabric he had shed the night before shortly after joining Xi in the bed. He began wrapping it around his waist and groin as he had thousands of times before in his life. A good fundoshi was a long-lived garment. Once it was tied, he pulled on his pants and his kimono and quietly left the room, opening, stepping through, and closing the door behind him in absolute silence. He needed some air...

Gen looked around, surprised. He had been leaning back in his seat, sipping from a steaming cup of tea as he read a rather engaging epic saga Aamatsu had lent him, a best seller from Ba Sing Se. It was the third of six chapters. When Xilingshi had burst into his office, he had just gotten to a rather ominous sort of scene where the hero ruler of the story was walking down a dark palace corridor... Suffice it to say, he had been engrossed enough in it that the sudden arrival of his young airbender friend had given him a thorough start.

"Well, it's quite alright, I..." he said in answer to her flustered words, closing the book and placing it on a shelf behind him before rotating his chair and placing his tea cup down on his desk. He suddenly took note of her rather... unusual appearance. She didn't at all look or seem her regular collected self. "Are you alright?"

Gen was taken aback by this outburst. He had a seen a kindred spirit in her and many of her Tekina-Kaze sisters and brothers. Though their relationship was friendly enough, his history was such that he hadn't imagined she'd open up to him like this. Still, this was no time for surprise. He leaned back in his seat, a thoughtful look adorning his face.

"I don't know if I have an answer for you, my friend." he said finally, collecting his thoughts and formulating an answer with care. "I don't really know if there is such a thing as a single true you. You are both Xilingshi the Warrior and Xilingshi the Woman. Aside from the style of your hair and the clothing you wear, is there really a difference between the two?"

Gen considered her momentarily before standing and looking out the window, holding his hands behind his back. With a sigh, he looked out at the Air Nomads plying the morning sky, the children playing upon the winds.

"In ages past," he said slowly. "Men were the warriors of the world and women were forbidden from claiming the glory of battle for themselves. In time, with the rise of great female warriors like Kyoshi and the other great Avatars, this changed. But there was one thing left out of the evolution of women into warriors -- the reconciliation of the new with the old.

"You see, Xilingshi, men reconciled their natures with their professions long ago. It was a long and arduous path for us. Now, it is part of who we are. We do not see ourselves as men and warriors separately. Being a warrior is being a man, just as being a craftsman, a tailor, a chef is being a man. We are our nature and we are our choices simultaneously."

He turned back to Xilingshi, placing his hands on the back of his chair as he stood there.

"The only true advice I can give you, my friend, is this: Reconcile the woman and the warrior and your confusion will no longer have ground in which to take root."

Gen sighed.

"Alas, this is an art that men forgot long ago." he said, seating himself once more. "Once we had accomplished our reconciliation, there was no need to retain the wisdom of how it was done. It was born into the blood and became as instinct. At least, I never had to work to reconcile my nature and my profession. They came to me as one and fluidly so."

He considered the issue carefully, as he always did. It was not an easy piece of wisdom to unravel. Even a suggestion of where to begin seemed far off and out of reach. There was only one possibility he could think of, but it would undoubtedly be a disappointment to her.

"I cannot say that this is the wisest course of action, as I do not fully understand the other paths you might take. However, I have always found that, when I have found myself lost within an issue, the best response is to do anything and everything I can to understand it more thoroughly. What this means for you is that understanding the part of you which has chosen to be a warrior and the part of you which was born a woman more fully might lead you to the answers you seek. I regret I have nothing more... solid to give you. It is simply beyond the realm of my wisdom."

Gen smiled weakly. He was truly sorry he couldn't help her more. However, if his experience was any indication, it was a trial she would have to undertake herself. While he and others, such as Aamatsu, could provide her with guidance, it was ultimately her trial. She would have to succeed or fail on her own. Such was the harsh way of the world.

"Well, let's see..." he said thoughtfully as she asked her questions. "I believe the last time I saw Chief Kanoei was yesterday, after your run in with the firebenders. As to the second count, however..." he swiveled his chair around and picked up his sword. There was a length of silken ribbon adorning the blade's scabbard. It was used to tie the weapon and it's sheath to the belt. He easily undid the knot holding the ribbon on and handed it across to her. "I think this might do the trick..."

Kano sat on the edge of the new fountain he had helped create not even a week ago. The terrace was vacant save for himself. Most of the temple's inhabitants had other places they liked to spend their mornings. It suited him just fine. He was so conflicted, he didn't need other people prying in on his thoughts. He just sat there on the edge of the fountain, his head in his hands.

How was this possible? How could he spend a glorious night with a woman he was utterly in love with, miraculously overcome an affliction which had plagued benders for thousands of years in a fraction of the time it normally took, and still feel this conflicted and confused? He would have thought he hadn't actually overcome the Withdrawal were it not for the fact that he knew well what it felt like and this conflict wasn't like it in the slightest.

And what were his options to remedy this? He could stay, forsaking his duty to his family in a time when true answers to their age-old weakness seemed close at hand. Or he could leave and forsake his love for Xi, all for the benefit of his clan. He was lost either way. If he left, he was lost. If he stayed, he was lost. It seemed there was no winning in it for him. All he could do was sit there in his conflict, his mind working furiously but to no avail...

Kano heard the now familiar swooping sound of a glider-borne airbender landing nearby and looked up from his hands. It was Xi. As she sat next to him, he hid his face in his hands once more, listening to her words. They made him look up again.

"Sorry?" he said, utterly perplexed. "Sorry for what? I enjoyed last night. I thought you did too. It's just..."

His voice trailed off. The words caught in his throat as if they refused to be spoken. Frustrated, mostly at his own indecision, he stood, walking slowly away, his hands on his hips, staring off into the distance. The wind picked up his loose kimono like a short cape. The cool stone beneath his bare feet made him think of the North for some reason. It was almost painful, the thought.

"I needed... to be alone." he said finally. Much to his disbelief, tears welled slowly in his eyes. He fought them with all he had, not daring to turn and reveal them to her. The reason was clear, however. He had made his decision and it pained him so... He had to go. Yet he could not yet bring himself to tell her this.

Kano squeezed his eyelids closed, feeling a surge of self-loathing swell up within him. He felt a single tear run down the side of his face, forced from his eye. Why did everything in his life have to be so complicated? Why did have to be so inquisitive, so determinedly unable to let these things go? When he spoke, his voice was barely more than a quiver.

"I have to go..." he said, lifting his hand and wiping the tear from his face. He could not bear to let her see him cry. Call it pride or whatever you will, he refused to let his emotions show now. It was not a man's place to fall apart at his own decisions. "I--..." he began, trying to muster some kind of explanation and failing utterly. Before he could stop himself, he found himself shouting at the top of his voice. "DAMN IT!"